Two women sitting on the ground with a bucket

“The Good”: My Top Ten in 2018

Who is right? Who is wrong? Correctness? Core? Values? Appropriate? Morality? These words inevitably came to my mind when I started my reflection /brainwork about “The Good”.  I hadn’t finished squeezing my brain for new concepts when the word “ethical” uttered its presence from an appendix of the definition of “the good”.  After analyzing Chapter One of Communication Ethics Literacy, I realized that these concepts which the book addresses will be invaluable tools for me.  I can reassure that they will be the framework of my future endeavors in my professional life.

The authors claimed that “the question is not who is who is not ethical, but what set of ethics we and others seek to protect and promote and why.” (Arnett, Fritz & Bell, 2009, p. 8).  I can’t agree more on this concept. Applying my most basic analytical posture, I recognized that I have never thought about the definition of “Good”.  I never contemplated in my critical or noncritical thinking the definition as a description of “central value or set of values manifested in communicative practices that we seek to protect and promote in our discourse together.” (Arnett, Fritz & Bell, 2009, p. 2).

Therefore, when the authors mentioned the need for a “map of the goods” (Arnett, Fritz & Bell, 2009, p. 12), I immediately thought about my own “map of the goods”.

Do I have a guide in my life? What does Hirania define as good? Which are the components of my map?

I have to confess that I have been hard on myself for many years.  With a lot of self-criticisms, observation of my actions, feelings, and thoughts, I have learned to pamper myself. I have learned to accept myself fully and completely. As a result of my hard work, I can say that I currently have a better map of my goods.

My map is my personal compass that drives my actions and my behavior. It guides how I express my feelings and emotions. Ultimately, it is my tool that makes me accountable for my successes or failures.

This is my private map that I have assembled as a daily commitment to myself.  As part of my “communication ethics”, I am always open to modifying or changing principles on my “map of the goods” because I am conscious that I am living in a challenging world where diversity and respect for others should always be a civil duty.

With this in mind, here are My Top Ten Goods:

1- Help my daughter find her own goods:  Raising a child in this hostile world is a true challenge.  My number one priority is to teach my only daughter to live with compassion and humility.

2- Health:  I need to stay healthy not only because I am battling along with my daughter’s chronic medical condition, but also because every single day we take decisions that mark the difference between life and death.  I value the benefits of eating nutritious, reading about earthy meals, working out at least three times per week, practicing yoga, sleeping, resting my brain and doing nothing absolutely nothing when possible.

3- Communicating and behaving in the best way possible:  Developing a true communication with other individuals is important.  Moreover, engaging in thoughtful conversations where I give my interlocutor the attention that he deserves is essential. I am working more on being a “true listener”.

 

4- Be honest with myself:  If I am able to communicate with myself in the most genuine and sincere way, I will be more effective communicating with others.

5- Sharing the best of my qualities with my partner:  I value the love and support of my partner.  I verbally express to him my respect and appreciation for his unconditional support, for being a good father, for being a provider, and for being an impeccable human being.

6- My career progress:  I feel the necessity of working and offering my knowledge as a journalist and a communicator. It is my duty.

7- Volunteering and helping:  I experience an intangible satisfaction when I help or assist others in need.

8- Be fully present:  I continue working on my plan to live without fear, to express my emotions and feelings even though some of these do not please others.  With time and maturity, I have learned that I can not please everybody.  I have also learned to respond and react better towards conflictive situations or individuals.

9- Practice and express my faith:  I am developing an insightful wisdom that I am not alone in my decisions and actions.  Despite coming from an atheist country (Cuba), I have discovered that God is my guide, my strength, and my confident. I have learned to find peace in the most turbulent and challenges times of my life.

10- Advocate for single moms:  Since I experienced for many years the challenge of raising a child without a paternal figure, I advocate for single moms that are living through this demanding situation of having no financial and emotional support.  I treat these women with respect and dignity, without bias, stigmas or stereotypes.

One of the most brilliant statements from our book is when the authors state that “every ethical position lives in a given situation, ground, and bias. Postmodernity does not tell us what is ethical.  It requires that we know what our ethical position is, learn that of the other, and figure out how to communicate our own position and negotiate the difference that we encounter.” (Arnett, Fritz & Bell, 2009, p. 16).

My responsibility as a mother, partner, communicator, journalist, daughter, friend, and an individual is to realize that in this postmodern era our duty is to learn, embrace the difference, to be flexible of changing the course of our life, and assimilate that “communication ethics mantra moves to learning, no longer resting in the taken-for-granted.” (Arnett, Fritz & Bell, 2009, p. 19).

Reference

Arnett, R. C., Fritz, J. M. H., & Bell, L. M. (2009). Communication ethics literacy: Dialogue and   difference. Los Angeles: Sage Publications.

A woman and child looking at a whiteboard.

A Tight Knot Because a Chronic Medical Condition

Pancake has been highly desired for a while. Officially, she has recently come into our lives on April 6, 2016. Pancake is a precious device with a blue case, savvy eyes and a brain that is capable of valuable storage and useful data. Pancake is our insulin pump.

Why the name? My daughter Uma says that her insulin pump is her girlfriend.

Uma is 10 years old and copes with Type One Diabetes. I can conclude that she perhaps choose the name Pancake due to her unsettling cravings for sweets.

Bringing Pancake home has required several training, classes and the normal trial-and-error learning processes. Sometimes, she gets mad because we don’t provide her with the right information in order to fulfill her job of delivering the right doses of insulin. The innovative medical device is known as Pancake, but her official name is the OmniPod Insulin Management System.

A cell phone with the screen displaying a delivery date.

How can this medical device supply a more meaningful quality of life for Uma?

There are many medical benefits that can be mentioned, but for Uma it means freedom of not having 7 or 8 injections per day. Also, it reduces the constant fluctuations in her blood glucose performance. Living with Type One Diabetes is a daily challenge that requires discipline, perseverance, awareness and knowledge. This task is even more demanding and stressful for children.

On October 29, 2014, the news of having diabetes is given to Uma. That day meant that a life changing event would have an impact on our lives in every single way. As a mother, I have experienced all kinds of trivial emotions: sadness, frustration, distress and hopeless thoughts.

Sometimes, I am totally self-absorbed in the annoying idea of thinking that a biological cure will never be possible. I feel defeated by my thoughts about the obstacles given by the medical and pharmaceutical bureaucracy.

However, most days I am full of energy and positive thoughts that Uma can obtain in the near future the cure, and be free of devices being attached to her body. I am looking forward to enjoying a day in her life without the countless finger pricks, administering shots, and counting every single carbohydrate she consumes on a daily basis.

Regardless of my mood swings, I am so blessed and thankful for having Pancake at home. We are convinced that this alternative therapy, which replaces the injections given, will help us to focus more on our smiles and our beautiful memorable seconds that we share. Pancake is creating a strong bond between Uma and me.

Uma and I are using Pancake. My daughter is receiving insulin. I am with saline solution, but the feeling is the same. We have become more connected. My decision of testing the OmniPod pump in my own body goes beyond empathy. It is walking together down the rocky road with my little girl, and understanding her experience, emotions and reaffirming to her: “You are not alone”.

Welcome Pancake! Help us spread our voice that we are not alone in this battle. We need leaders, followers and friends. Uma and million of kids deserve it.

A girl with pink hair and a blue shirt

This year, we participated once again in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) walk at the Metro Zoo in Miami, Florida. The event represents hope and a better future. Now it is the time to be proactive and work tirelessly in order to create awareness and raise funds for finding a cure. I would like to thank Lory Gonzalez, diabetes nurse educator at Diabetes Research Institute University of Miami and Diana María Ramirez Quintero for being a devoted teacher.

A woman and girl smiling for the camera.

When Motherhood Goes Beyond

Carrying a child in your womb doesn’t define the true meaning of motherhood. Nurturing a baby, raising a toddler, being present and loving unconditionally are the true components that represent motherhood.

If someone asks me how to define motherhood, I won’t be able to do it without thinking twice for a couple of minutes. I am the biological mother of Uma, a girl who is turning 10 next May. My daughter has brought to my life the true meaning of unconditional love, but despite of that profound assertion, I don’t know the right words to describe the different faces of motherhood.

Every second Sunday of May we celebrate Mother’s Day, however I don’t like to praise one day. I think honoring mothers should be every single journey. I recommend loving your mom the best way you can every day, and both realizing that you are enjoying the gift of life.

As a mother, receiving expensive presents or taking me to a fancy dinner doesn’t compare with the pleasure of hearing my daughter telling me: “I love you Mom”.

A woman and girl smiling for the camera.

That simple phrase keeps me smiling, loving and appreciating the value of being a mother. This phrase affirms that she knows she can count on me during cheerful or difficult times. “I love you Mom” is the most fulfilling emotion that depicts the true meaning of nurturing.

When I started writing this piece, I mentioned that I am the biological mother of Uma. I am so thankful that I carried her for nine months in my womb and gave her birth. These miraculous events have created a lifelong bond between my daughter and I, which I know is a bond that will never be broken.

However, carrying a child in your womb doesn’t define the true meaning of motherhood. Nurturing a baby, raising a toddler, being present and loving unconditionally are the true components that represent motherhood.

The beauty of nurturing can be done by a father, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and also adoptive parents. There are no words that can really describe motherhood. The commitment and love for a son/daughter goes beyond biological connections and transcends all earthly assumptions.

Motherhood is about parenting, is about showing the journey with values, love and respect. Motherhood is about influencing their lives with the best approach and opening their eyes to a world full of challenges.

A man walking on the beach near the ocean.

16 Travel Tips for a ‘Gringo’ Visiting Cuba

Traveling to Cuba is a humanitarian and educational experience… a mission trip. Probably a painful expedition, especially for a Cuban exile like me.

I am extremely blessed to have been able to travel back to my homeland after many years. The profound emotions that I felt with my origin, family and identity will be addressed in another blog so stay tuned.

However, on this 7-day trip, I traveled with my Beau. He is from North Carolina. We flew direct from Miami to Havana, rented a car and visited Havana, Sancti Spiritus, Trinidad and Varadero. Because of his love, empathy, compassion and sense of humor, I wanted to share some travel tips that only a “gringo amigo” (as some called him in Cuba) could provide.

1. You do not need to arrive at the airport 4 hours prior to departure as instructed. Two hours are fine. Your seats are pre-assigned without your consent. Anything over 10lbs must be checked and the combined maximum weight per person was 50lbs. You can carry more but expect to pay $20 for each additional bag plus $2.00 per the total amount of pounds.

A large airplane sitting on top of an airport runway.

2. You leave Miami in the oldest part of the terminal and arrive in Havana (45 minutes later) in an even an older terminal without air conditioning. The wait time for our luggage was 2 ½ hours. Be patient… one will wonder if we should have been prepped for the journey or if we’ve been punished for making it.

Two men in suits and a red hat

3. If you are bringing more than two electronic devices per person be ready to fill out papers at the airport. You are allowed to have a phone and a tablet or a laptop. If you have more, you will need to return with those items or be prepared to pay for the cost of the items left.

4. Exchange rates ranging from 87 CUC (Cuban currency) to 90 CUC per every dollar. For example, if you exchange $1000 you lose between $100 and $130. Since US debit and credit cards do not work…budget and plan your expenditures wisely.

5. Most bathrooms are paperless. They have bathroom attendants who “hold the roll” and sell sheets of toilet paper. The size or amount of toilet paper depends on your tip. Tip size = Number 1 or Number 2 

A woman standing in front of a sink.

6. Car rental was easy (except for all paperwork that is done by hand- including hotel check in) but driving in Cuba and finding gasoline was a challenge. Flats and/or damages to the wheels are at your expense. Driving was difficult because of the pot holes, horses pulling carts (taxis), motorcycles with side cars (taxis), cows, goats and lack of road signs. Oh….and forget about navigation/Google Maps there is no internet. When lost… people were friendly and provided directions, but take a poll because it seems that Cubans would rather send you somewhere else than tell you they do not know. No road signs but many political banners with communist slogans.

A blue car driving down the street with a sign on it.

7. Good Luck with finding a Coca Cola or ice cream, especially outside of Havana, but pretty much everywhere you can buy postcards and posters of Fidel Castro playing baseball or Che Guevara playing golf.

8. A lot of the ladies wore “fishnet” stockings! According to Cubans, this garment symbolizes a certain professionalism of “work ethics”, not an intentional sexual provocation. It seems strange to wear in such hot weather. Leave your long pants and long sleeves at home but pack plenty of shorts, t-shirts and baby powder. The hot weather could keep you in a permanent stage of sweating profusely, thus making you constantly sticky.

A woman sitting on the ground wearing black stockings.

9. There is “Cohiba Profiling”. You will be approached by many selling cigars.

10. Don’t expect 5 star hotels even if they are advertised as one. A 5 is really a 3 or 3.5. And do not be surprised if they are out of hot water.

11. Major tourist attractions such as La Bodeguita del Medio and Floridita are the best places for Mojitos and Daiquiris in Havana. Both places have live bands with talented musicians who are eager to sell their CD’s. Be ready to sweat (AGAIN) if you eat in La Bodeguita.

A row of glasses filled with white liquid.

12. Always have some change in your pocket for tips. Wages are low and in Cuban pesos. You have to tip in CUC. I felt uncomfortable leaving such small amounts. $1 (CUC) tip is a fortune. The average salary is the equivalent of 10 (CUC) per month.

A group of people sitting around in a room.

13. Trinidad and Varadero have been overtaken by the all-inclusiveness resorts. Thank goodness for the Dupont House in Varadero. This allowed us to escape the hungry crowd of tourists fighting for low quality buffets and beverages. Most tourists come from Argentina, Canada and Germany. They purchase inexpensive travel packages in their countries: 10 days in Cuba for $800!.

A man walking on the beach near the ocean.
A restaurant with chairs and tables overlooking the ocean.

14. Paladares restaurants (family-run businesses) are the best option if you are looking for homemade Cuban food. They appear to be giving the government-run restaurants some much needed competition.

A table with bottles and drinks on it

15. If you really want to know Cuba, you should explore beyond Havana, vintage cars, hotels and Cuban cigars. The country is a place of painful contrasts. People are always struggling to cover their most basic needs. People are tired of a political system that clearly shows that does not work, most Cubans will strongly agree.

A wooden structure with two sinks in it.
A pot sitting on top of an open fire pit.

16. If traveling to Cuba soon, consider extending an invitation to senator Bernie Sanders to join you and see how Socialism is “working”.

I would love to return… but not for the cars or the architecture or the Caribbean waters…but for the people. Cuba’s greatest treasures are the people. Even though they have few earthly things, you can see them always smiling. They have strong big hearts for their families. I have been humbled.

A person with dirty hands and shoes on
A book cover with the words " switch " on it.

Switch: When a Book Changes your Elephant Side

Chip and Dan Heath’s Switch published in 2010 by Random House became one of New York Times’ bestseller. Besides this book, they have also written other two New York Times bestseller; Decisive and Made to Stick. Chip is a professor at Stanford Graduate School of Business and his brother Dan is a Senior Fellow at Duke University’s CASE center. Both brothers have a strong background in business and entrepreneurship. Switch is a compelling, well-written and story-driven narrative in which Chip and Dan Heath have analyzed upon the true meaning of “change”, and how to cope and create a positive outcome of situations. The Heath brothers guide the readers in 305 pages on how to deal with change in a professional and personal situation of life. They demonstrate how emotions, intentions, and feelings can be powerful in a crucial and pivotal moment when making a rational decision. The pendulum can move towards the right or wrong direction.

Switch is a book that goes beyond the readers’ expectations. It is a helpful and practical resource that can be useful for businessmen, businesswomen, mothers, sale representatives, students, leaders, followers, housewives, etc. The Heath brothers explore the deepest essences of the human being behavior without having to use in-depth theories and rigid structures. They use great implements influenced by scientific skills and real life events. The book nurtures the concept that if someone wants to change behavior, they should “direct the rider, motivate the elephant and shape the path” (19).

This concept of how change can be positive is the outstanding and remarkable secret that makes this book appealing to any audience. The book is directed to an audience that is craving for change, yearning for a better way to balance emotions and rational sides in predicted or unpredicted environments. The Heath warn the readers that change is harder than what one expects. However, if we can align the elephant, the rider and the path all together, “dramatic change can happen even if you don’t have lots of power or resources behind you” (19).

The book is easy to digest because the authors have divided the material into three components: “Direct the rider”, “Motivate the Elephant” and “Shape the Path”. Each section gives the readers suggestions, strategies, and approaches for coping with change and ideally succeeding within that change. For a communicator, a consultant, and a public relation practitioner this book is a great resource in terms of developing and proposing a strategic communication plan. How can one develop and execute an effective communication project or model if one does not have clear goals, or have not defined the mission and purpose statement; or if one has not found the feelings, the belief, and the values of an organization, group or even a person? Switch provides the tools for growth when change is inevitable.

There are brilliant concepts developed throughout the book such as “finding the bright spots” that teaches the readers on how to identify what is working in an not so good situation and see this element as a path to creating hope and success. They offer examples such as the mothers in Vietnam that could raise healthy kids when the rest of village’s children were extremely malnourished. Did they do something different than the rest of the moms? Yes, they found the “the best of what was available” in a poor country. These moms adapted their children’s food regardless if some of the ingredients were not appropriate or were considered a “low class” food (30). “Knowledge does not change behavior” as Sternin, who worked for the Save the Children organization, concluded (30). By teaching and practicing innovative ideas on how to cook a hearty healthy meal, the mothers changed their behavior and children became healthier.

Dan and Chip are not proposing miracles. There are no magic outcomes on their proposals. They ponder about the importance of “scripting the critical move”, which is focused primarily on how human beings tend to be attached to the default plan rather than taking risks or unknown paths. Chapter three demonstrates us that the key is not winning the battle overnight, it is about taking the small steps towards accomplishment. This is a main concept of theSwitch’s framework presented by the authors: “Any successful change requires a translation of ambiguous goals into concrete behaviors. In short, to make a switch, you need to script the critical moves” (54). They state that if one cannot remedy the problem, at least enjoy the satisfaction of trying to fix it, or being close to solving it.

 

Switch illustrates professionals in the communication area on how to deliver better projects with realistic and achievable strategies, how to visualize a “compelling destination”. For consultants and communicators, learning how to be effective, precise, innovative, and obtaining results are crucial components of any strategic communication plan. Even the most successful executive could be lost in the most important project of his life. Switch emphasized brilliantly on the concept that a good strategic plan must have SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Relevant and Timely) (82).

As a communicator and a voracious reader, I should confess that one of my favorite part of Switch is “Motivate the Elephant”. The authors emphasize on the “finding the feeling” concept. Even though this is a concept highly studied and developed by other authors, business people, motivators, and speakers, the Heath brothers bring about a reflection that triggers the reader’s attention in Switch: Why do people not support one’s great project or ideas? Why are they not enthused? Some answers and explanations to these questions can be found in Switch.

From my point of view, finding the feeling and fighting the inertia are two of the most powerful and inspiring parts of the book. Both contain significant advices for any communicator who wants the excel as a strategic communication developer. The portion that addresses the third metaphor “shape the path” has valuable meaning and practical examples, especially in the chapters “Tweak the environment” and “Build habits”. However, at this point, the readers may want to rest and digest the information presented in the previous 200 pages without having to add new elements. The readers at this point have already engaged and have connected with the well-written and organized methods and real-life encounters. The many related stories do tend to become a bit repetitive and over-satiated.

There is one moment in “shape the path” that one feels that the scenario described by the authors belong to a perfect world where individuals can control the circumstances. We clearly understand that we need to synchronize the rider and the elephant, but living in our current world with unexpected events at every level may present an obstacle in controlling the environment and external forces which are not easy as the Heath brothers state.

The concept of change that the Heath brothers present is well developed and researched. They motivate the readers to bring out the best of their analytical/rational side and encourage them to integrate it with feelings and emotions. Nevertheless, we should argue if it is always possible to create a path in the environment within the same time frame? How does this trilogy of change work in countries living in a conflictive political and social environment? The formula is not as adaptable as the authors propose.

The Heath brothers are writers that are not interested in just retailing New York Times best sellers. They are true thinkers and persuaders. Their narrative is thoughtful, forward-thinking, relevant, and easy to digest in terms of concept and opinions. Switch is a book that one may consider when seeking inspiration and guidance, or even for a simple task like writing one’s New Year’s resolutions.

The message is clear: change at any level is not easy. It requires a lot of determination, courage, and self-control. The Heath brothers do not have the written a manual for success, yet they have given us practical advices on how to cope with our fear and maximize our strengths. The bravest, smartest human being can feel defeated at the very last second. Switch teaches us on how to analyze and adapt “the rider” (the rational) with the “elephant” (emotional) creating a harmony between them. It reinforces the hope that change can be constructive and rewarding.

Reference

Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2010) Switch: How to change things when change is hard. New York: Random House.

 
A white coffin sitting in the dirt near some graves.

Cuba: A dignified death

Warning: This blog contains explicit images.

I saw the lost coffin, laying in the middle of the cemetery. I was literally petrified by the image. I rubbed my eyes thinking I was crazy. But unfortunately, I wasn’t.

“That coffin came from Miami”, the young guy, who was sweating profusely under the blazing sun in my hometown, whispered scarily to me.

“He went to visit his son in the United States, but he passed away over there… Such terrible luck!. The family sent him back home. People say that the family had paid a fortune for the shipment from Miami to here,” he spoke quickly without letting me ask about the details. I was still perplexed, perturbed for the surreal moment I had just witnessed.

While standing next to the metallic, white, corroded and ramshackle “Miami” coffin, the supposed graveyard worker pointed out to me another drastic scenery across from where we stood.

“These are the Cubans’ coffins. You can see the difference, right?,” he asked sarcastically, and I just shook my head in a surprisingly, horrified state of disbelief.

Why was I in disbelief?

Because it was something that had always been sacred for Cubans- the cemetery. I am in denial about the idea or the fact that graves with the remains of the loved ones are being vulgarly profaned —according to news reports— with the purpose of stealing bones for Cuban range or Regla de Palo Monte, another religion with African roots in the Caribbean island.

 

The Miami Herald, the south Florida newspaper, published an article about the increase in cremations in Cuba because of people’s fears that the grave sites of their relatives could possibly be desecrated by unscrupulous thieves for ritual purposes.

How do we see these acts of vandalism? I don’t know the true story behind the Miami coffin. Regardless of which is the accurate version, the development or ending of this story is disappointing.

Sometimes, there are so many powerful images that leave you speechless. Facts that still leave so many questions unanswered:

Why there? Who? Since when? How did it end up there? Is he alone? Are there no families to claim the coffin?

I rather be in disbelief about what might happen to our people buried in Cuba. It seems that Cuba has lost its identity in the beauty of their ancestral traditions and its true heritage. It creates an emptiness of where we only see smiles yet we feel no happiness.

A white coffin sitting in the dirt near some graves.

“He went to visit his son in the United States, but he passed away over there… Such terrible luck!. The family sent him back home. People say that the family had paid a fortune for the shipment from Miami to here,” he spoke quickly without letting me ask about the details. I was still perplexed, perturbed for the surreal moment I had just witnessed.

While standing next to the metallic, white, corroded and ramshackle “Miami” coffin, the supposed graveyard worker pointed out to me another drastic scenery across from where we stood.

“These are the Cubans’ coffins. You can see the difference, right?,” he asked sarcastically, and I just shook my head in a surprisingly, horrified state of disbelief.

 
A pile of debris on the ground in front of buildings.

Why was I in disbelief?

Because it was something that had always been sacred for Cubans- the cemetery. I am in denial about the idea or the fact that graves with the remains of the loved ones are being vulgarly profaned —according to news reports— with the purpose of stealing bones for Cuban range or Regla de Palo Monte, another religion with African roots in the Caribbean island.

The Miami Herald, the south Florida newspaper, published an article about the increase in cremations in Cuba because of people’s fears that the grave sites of their relatives could possibly be desecrated by unscrupulous thieves for ritual purposes.

How do we see these acts of vandalism? I don’t know the true story behind the Miami coffin. Regardless of which is the accurate version, the development or ending of this story is disappointing.

Sometimes, there are so many powerful images that leave you speechless. Facts that still leave so many questions unanswered:

Why there? Who? Since when? How did it end up there? Is he alone? Are there no families to claim the coffin?

I rather be in disbelief about what might happen to our people buried in Cuba. It seems that Cuba has lost its identity in the beauty of their ancestral traditions and its true heritage. It creates an emptiness of where we only see smiles yet we feel no happiness.

A girl standing in front of a chalkboard with spanish written on it.

¡Que vivan los amos de casa!

Cuando la producción de “Realidades en Contexto”, de CNN en Español, me invitó para un debate acerca de los hombres que se quedan en casa para cuidar de los niños, confieso que tuve un flashback, no necesariamente de una buena etapa de mi vida.

El tema tiene muchos ángulos para discutir. Hay quienes están a favor, otros en contra. Cada día es más creciente el número de papás que se quedan en casa, no aportan de forma tradicional un ingreso financiero al hogar y cuidan de los niños.

Honestamente, en un momento de mi vida lo pensé, lo intenté, pero no me funcionó. Hoy todavía sigo pensando que ese “acuerdo” es una situación muy personal, muy de pareja y muy divina si se habla y se planifica.

A pesar de mi mala experiencia, sin entrar en mayores detalles, sigo pensando que es un ambiente idóneo cuando hay niños menores de 18 años, especialmente cuando se tiene más de un hijo y la madre tiene una consolidada carrera profesional y deseos de crecer laboralmente en los años más productivos de su vida.

Aquí radica la grandeza de una pareja que decide emprender junta el difícil camino de la paternidad. Es un signo de inteligencia y madurez el dialogar y establecer quién se puede quedar en casa o trabajar a tiempo parcial porque los niños necesitan atención, educación, amor y calor de hogar. Sigo creyendo que con ese cuento de que lo que importa es calidad no cantidad nos han tratado de dorar la píldora muchas veces. Se necesita cantidad y calidad.

Por mi experiencia como madre -y sin haber tenido esa posibilidad de quedarme en casa porque me incorporé a mi demandante trabajo como productora de televisión, con viajes incluidos, cuando mi hija tenía apenas tres meses de vida- no hay estructura que sustituya el cuido y la garantía educativa que ofrece la familia.

Tengo amigas a quienes tampoco les fue bien con esto de los “amos de casa”. Los hombres terminaban metidos en el hogar, viendo tele, sin hacer casi labores domésticas ni mayores actividades con los niños y cuando ellas llegaban -cansadas del trabajo- tenían que empezar la otra faena.

Otras de mis amigas empezaron con debates existenciales acerca de si ellas eran las que trabajaban, de si los hombres eran los que tenían que proveer, que qué pensaría la gente, que si “mantengo” a mi marido. Consumidas por las dudas, algunas destruyeron sus matrimonios.

Pero hay increíbles ejemplos como el de mi editora en jefe, Marinés Arroyo, quien tiene tres hijos y el papá, Héctor Ambrogi, cuida de los pequeños.

“Trabajaba desde antes de quedar embarazada en un empleo fijo. Él tenía un trabajo a cuenta propia, y muy flexible, en donde él mismo hacía su horario. Yo sé cuán capaces son los papás, o al menos algunos, de cuidar a sus hijos. Mi papá fue quien me cuidó en mi casa antes de que yo cumpliera un año, mientras mi mamá salía a diario a trabajar en una oficina. Mi papá fue también quien me ayudó a cuidar a mi primer hijo mientras yo salía a trabajar. No tenía problema repitiendo esa historia, muy al contrario”, cuenta Marinés.

 

Muchos se preguntan: ¿Qué ventajas hay que un papá sea quien cuide de los niños mientras la mamá trabaja? ¿Alguna desventaja?

“Así como les sucede a muchas mamás, es natural que en algún momento el papá sienta la necesidad de salir de la casa a generar ingresos. Quedarse en casa de por sí es un gran compromiso de parte de los papás que están acostumbrados a trabajar fuera del hogar, y deben como mínimo buscar qué hacer para distraerse una vez mamá llega a la casa, o durante el fin de semana, así sea ir al gimnasio. Si ya papá se cansó de estar todos los días en casa, es hora entonces de llegar a un justo acuerdo luego de revisar alternativas, como la posibilidad de matricular a los hijos -que tal vez ya no están tan bebés-, en una guardería”, comparte Marinés.

Las estadísticas nos ponen a pensar en por qué el fenómeno de los padres que se quedan en casa va en aumento.

En el 2012, se contabilizó que 2 millones de padres no tenían un empleo y cuidaban de los niños en el hogar, según el Pew Research Institute. La recesión que experimentó Estados Unidos desde el 2007 hasta el 2009 fue una razón importante para este auge de los “amos de casa”.

De acuerdo con el estudio del Pew, un 23 por ciento de los papás que se quedan en el hogar asegura que lo hace porque no puede encontrar un buen empleo, mientras que un 21 por ciento reconoce que quiere cuidar de los pequeños y de la casa. Esto contrasta con un 5 por ciento que tomó la decisión de no ir a laborar a la calle en 1989.

Un detalle que me llamó la atención es que cuando se indagó la opinión pública acerca de quién debía cuidar de los niños, un 51 por ciento cree que los menores están mejores cuidados por sus mamás que por los papás, en comparación con un 8 por ciento que sí cree que los padres son mejores que las madres para estas tareas.

Lo que hay de común entre mamás y papás encuestados es que a ambos se les hace difícil encontrar un balance entre las labores del hogar y las responsabilidades profesionales. Adicionalmente, un 48 por ciento de los padres y un 52 por ciento de las madres cree que es mejor quedarse en casa para educar y cuidar de los chicos. Sin embargo, ese mismo porcentaje reconoció que tiene que trabajar porque necesita el ingreso económico.

Las conclusiones quedan a consideración de cada uno. Para mí ¡que vivan los amos de casa! No hay nada más sexy que un buen padre.

A woman and girl with a dog in a hospital.

13 Lessons Learned After 90 Days of Diabetes

Type 1 diabetes affects Latino communities in the U.S. at almost twice the rate of non-Latino whites. HuffPost Voces’ Hirania Luzardo’s daughter was diagnosed last fall. This is their story.

On January 28, it will be 90 days since diabetes Type 1 became a part of my 8-year-old daughter’s life. That long night in October marked a before and an after, not just for her, but also for all of those who love her.

It’s been a short and overwhelming road filled with learning, with joys, sadness, mistakes, and successes. It’s been a road in which we grow up every day, no matter the difficulty of each new trial. No day is the same as the last one. We’ve matured like we never thought we could in 90 days, and we need to share our experience because many prefer to remain silent, as if there was a social stigma involved. We need to talk about it, acknowledge our mistakes, and celebrate the victories of raising a child who has a condition that affects millions of kids in the United States.

In the 90 days that we’ve been facing this battle, we’ve learned some lessons. If you are living with a child who has Type 1 diabetes, open your world to others. Many people out there need information, resources, and strength to keep on going.

The 13 lessons we’ve learned:

1. You didn’t do anything wrong. No one is responsible for this.
The first thing that a mother thinks after she receives the diagnosis is, “What did I do wrong?” You did nothing wrong. You’ll doubt that answer many times and you may even come to doubt your whole life, because science has no answer to this autoimmune disease. Don’t focus on searching for answers. Don’t waste your energies and the spare time you have trying to solve those questions.

2. There are no good or bad numbers.
This medical condition will lead you to become a slave of numbers related to glucose. Your life starts revolving around questions like “What’s your sugar level?” “Is it high?” “Is it low?” The glucose numbers are information that we give doctors so that they can better manage the condition. The problem is that the data are often accompanied by emotional and mental quandaries, especially from the parents, who are also affected by the condition in that sense. Rating the results as good or bad only feeds a sense of guilt, especially in children. Play with the numbers even if you don’t feel like it, even if a sense of sadness takes over you. And, of course, act when you must. There is no time to lose if your child is close to hypoglycemia.

3. You will have very bad days when you will often get depressed.
You will have days in which you teem with strength and optimism, days in which you seem stronger than everyone, days in which you light up the room and everyone asks you, “How do you manage to handle everything?” The truth is, we can’t. We make a great effort to keep the ship afloat, but there are many days in which you inevitably wonder, “Why is this happening to my child?” There are days in which you want to allow yourself to stay in bed, close the blinds, stay away from everyone and admit that you can’t do it anymore.

There are days in which depression seems like a good option, but when you feel that way you have to realize that you can’t afford that luxury, and that therefore depression can’t enter the equation. You must work on your strength of will to keep on fighting. Depression will only make our lives worse.

4. You need to ask for help.
I am a single mother, the household’s only breadwinner and I work in media. That is enough to make me say, “I need help.” At this time in your life, when you face the challenge of raising a child with Type 1 diabetes, you need to ask your friends for help, your family, or even a stranger who can at least show some solidarity on Facebook.

5. There is no better doctor than yourself.
You may have the best endocrinologist in the world, the one who gives you the most accurate balance between the insulin and the grams of carbohydrates that you must consume each day, but no one knows you better than you know yourself. My girl is the best at warning me when she is close to hypoglycemia.

6. You need patience to deal with bureaucracy in the pharmaceutical industry. You will spend hours on the phone. You will find bills every time you open your mailbox. Debts will grow. You’ll realize that you had good insurance right up until the moment you realized you had a chronic condition. You will cry in frustration when a vial of insulin slips from your fingers and breaks on the floor, and your insurance company refuses to replace it. Cry if you must, broadcast your anger on social media. Have patience. Your only choice is learning to navigate the multimillion-dollar pharmaceutical industry that supplies diabetics.

 

7. Life is not as “normal” as others claim.
It’s always heartening to hear, “She can lead a normal life.” We will be able to live with Type 1 diabetes, but it’s not normal to be connected to a glucose monitor 24 hours a day. It’s not normal to puncture your fingers to record sugar levels; nor is it normal to receive four shots a day; nor is it normal to carry an injection in case you faint or convulse. That is not normal.

8. You’ll have to listen to people who say that it might go away with sports and diets. Healthy eating, carbohydrate control and physical exercise help those who have Type 1 diabetes, but are not solutions, just like they won’t cure a child whose pancreas does not work and who depends on insulin. You can feed her the same food every day, exactly at the same time of day, and her body will always react to it in a different way.

9. You are diabetic because you ate too much candy.
It’s the most frequently asked question: “Did she eat too much candy?” My daughter ate as much candy as every other child, and she ate other types of food as well.

10. There is a lot of ignorance.
The truth is that we don’t know what diabetes is. There are a lot of people who think that we are irresponsible, that we don’t know how to eat healthy, and that we lead a sedentary life. Other say that my daughter has bad diabetes, and Type 2 is the good one. There is no good or bad diabetes. Both can be dangerous.

11. You are blessed if you have a good job.
You’ll spend many hours with doctors. Hours with endocrinologists, nutritionists, psychologists, diabetes educators. Dealing with a diabetic is nearly a full-time job. So if you have an employer who supports you and gives you the flexibility to fulfill your obligations, you are very lucky.

12. You must not lose faith.
Scientists have been working for a long time on finding a cure to diabetes. We don’t have it, and the truth is that we don’t know if our kids will have the privilege of enjoying that scientific breakthrough. The only thing that counts is how positive we are every day, how much faith we bring with us on this road.

13. There are “angels.”
In these 90 days, friends have offered their shoulders for us to cry on, they have given us solace at the hospital after long, sleepless nights. They have sent us flowers with messages of support. They’ve been patient enough to wait for us at work because they know we went through a horrible night. “Angels” have also arrived in our lives. Human beings with great compassion. Ms. Mari adopted Uma during her school day, caring for her as if she was her own daughter. Sometimes there are no precise words to thank someone enough.

This post originally appeared on HuffPost Voces and was translated into English.